Tuesday, November 19
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The Post Break-Up Process

Regardless if you’ve been dating for 6 months or 6 years, it hurts. In my experience, the more you’ve shared and the more you’ve cared, then the more it’ll hurt if the relationship does come to an end. And if it isn’t a mutual decision, it’s an even tougher situation. It doesn’t feel good to be dumped and it certainly doesn’t feel good to be the dumper either. Unless there’s something like an affair involved, and it’s an «irreconcilable differences» case, it’s more simply a tragic undertaking dripping with emotion.

If you’ve never been through a break-up, it affects different people differently, but overall it’s just not a pleasant process. Because it isn’t just a quick decision; it’s a process. As if the actual conversation isn’t hard enough, there are a couple things to cross off on the daunting «To Do» list that comes with breaking up.

You have to let people know. Or you don’t have to, but you will have to deal with them when they find out. Plenty of people make it their business to know everyone else’s business. You’ll get various responses too. You’ll receive either sympathy and empathy, or high-fives and strong approval. You’ll probably get a healthy combination of both. I’ve had people tell me «it’s a shame» and that we were «so cute together» and I’ve had others tell me «thank God.» Whatever the response was, I really didn’t want to hear it and just wished people would have left me alone and kept their commentary to themselves. This is why I never put my relationship status up on Facebook. As soon as it states «Carly is single», I’ll have ten people «like» it and another dozen making comments. If possible, have a good friend, whose comfort you actually do want and appreciate, help spread the word for you so you don’t have to deal with the peanut gallery.

You have to get your stuff back. This is just such an annoying process and can create serious tension. He claims he lost your favorite big t-shirt that you gave him when really it’s hanging up in his closet. She vehemently states that she’s keeping the Tiger’s baseball cap because «it was a gift.» So on and so forth. I’ve been through this. I removed all of his clothes from his drawer in my apartment while he had to get rid of the shampoo and conditioner that I kept in his shower. I basically threw everything out except the piano he gave me. Because I mean hey, it’s a freakin’ piano. But once the process is over, it’s the most wonderful and cleansing feeling. Sure, I shed a few tears, which is completely healthy and normal. But I was also glad to move on from something that ended up just not being good for me after all.

And then, even after all of this, you will still constantly second guess yourself. Was it the right thing? Do I still love him? Did I make the worst mistake of my life letting her go? This is difficult, especially when you have an ex who «wants to be friends» right away. For me, it ended up just being a plot to get me back, but everybody’s story has a different ending. However, do yourself a favor and give yourself some substantial time and space away from each other to see if you think you’ve made a mistake or if you’re just feeling unnatural to be single for the first time in a while.

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