An argument erupts at home. The husband leaves the house in a huff and drives to the local pub. He has a few pints of beer and flirts with the waitress. They disappear together, and he wakes up in her bed with a haze of sweaty, sexual images swirling around in his head. What has he done?
This scenario gets replayed in the media on a regular basis. But why do men cheat on their wives and girlfriends? Because of one argument?
Men and women cheat on each other, because they’re lacking something in their current relationship. Below are some reasons particular to men.
Opportunity. A man may cheat on his spouse in a moment of vulnerability without thinking about the consequences if a woman is throwing herself at him.
This man usually doesn’t establish clear boundaries with other women. He develops a relationship with his coworker even though it doesn’t feel quite right. He understands that he shouldn’t go out for lunch but doesn’t believe it will lead to anything more. It feels good in the moment. This man lets down his guard and unexpectedly develops feelings for this woman and is involved in an affair.
Ego. Some men are apt to look outside the relationship if they need an ego boost, especially if they don’t feel like a «man’s man» at home. When women give men extra attention and show interest, it improves their self-esteem. It can make them feel like they are manly, good-looking, and desirable to the opposite sex.
Career Problems. When men get fired, demoted, or fail at work, they look for ways to distract themselves from the real issue. Many men feel that they have to be the bread winner in the household to be successful.
If their wife makes more money, it can become a problem for some men. They don’t feel like they are supporting the family. To some men this is a necessity to be a «real man.»
Financial Issues. When there are financial problems at home, men feel like they lack control. Their role is to financially support the family. If bill collectors are calling and they can’t afford the dollar menu at McDonald’s, they feel that they need to regain control over their lives. One way that men find control is to have an affair to show they are capable of pleasing women.
Mid-Life Crisis/Fear of Getting Older. Some men question their lives when they get to a certain age and wish to feel young again. They want to know they’re still attractive and desirable to the opposite sex. Some men color their hair, some buy a new car, and some have an affair.
Thrill of the Chase. Remember the feeling that you get when you start dating someone new and you’re both playing hard to get. It’s fun – at first. Men like to feel that they have to work for their women. Men may feel bored when they don’t have to work at the relationship anymore.
The man who longs for the thrill of the chase may look for an affair after he becomes comfortable in his current relationship.
Insecurity. Sometimes men feel that they need to prove themselves to coworkers, friends, and others. To establish their «cool» reputation with others, they show they’re capable of sleeping with other women.
Women Stand for It/Lack of Consequences. These women are the ones that have an idea that their men are cheating on them, but they don’t say anything or put up a fight. Maybe they’re scared of finding out the truth. They might turn the other way, because the man is the financial supporter of the family. These women don’t encourage affairs, but they don’t contest it. The woman suffers in silence due to fear of the unknown.
Revenge. Men and women are both guilty of trying to balance the scales of cheating. One spouse cheats and the betrayed spouse wants to make the other spouse feel horrible, too. They go out looking for an affair to show their spouse how it feels.
Whatever the reasons, cheating shouldn’t be blamed on the betrayed spouse. Both partners recognize when the relationship starts to decline, and both partners need to make efforts to improve the relationship on a daily basis. Keep your relationship or marriage strong with communication about the above issues and it will decrease the chance of infidelity.